after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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