I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Everclear isn't food dammit
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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