the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
