Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
