Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Boobs are out for the taking
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
