Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
