youre lurking in front of me
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
