please come you make the beer taste better
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I AM VODKA MAN
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
