Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Randomize
