im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
