he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
well, you know. whores of a feather.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
