The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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