can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
