I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
