Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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