He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
