How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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