I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
