Screwed.edu
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
3pm strippers are depressing
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
