Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
