all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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