So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
