I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
