I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
