SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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