Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
