oh god the rape fog is back!
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
