So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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