Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
