i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
