I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
