the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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