why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Hippo gnu deer
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
