wakey wakey hands off snakey
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
