everyone is single if you try hard enough
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
the night ended with taco bell and tears
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
