I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
