I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
