I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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