I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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