the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
