Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
