Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
