found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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