3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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