so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
sex in a hospital.. check
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
