I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
