who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
he wants to bone in the snuggie
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
