I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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