I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
