Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
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