Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
