its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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